Love IS the answer

Today’s the day before Valentine’s Day. How can I not say a few things about love? At last weekend’s Super Bowl we saw the message displayed: “The only thing more powerful than hate is love.” I don’t think that anyone devoting their career to health care could find this a debatable concept, but I’d like to take a few moments to make the case for love anyway. Of course, the timing with the holiday makes it easy to talk about romantic love, which is the first thing that comes to mind. But I hope we can use the day to tell all those with whom we have meaningful personal relationships of our love for them. One of my favorite traditions was a Galentine’s celebration with close friends. What a gift it is to have those people you can relax and be yourself around, those closest to us who know everything about us and love us, not just despite, but because of that knowledge. Whether you think it’s a “Hallmark holiday” or not, I think it is valuable to take a day to remember how precious that is and to share your feelings with those around you.

There are other kinds of love that can be just as restorative. The love that comes from shared service alongside colleagues and community. I’m sure you can think of colleagues who inspire you, whom you have been dazzled by and those who have supported during moments of crisis or struggle. Maybe they dug deep during a busy day in clinic and helped cover you when your energy flagged, maybe they saw their way around a puzzling question in the lab that struck you as so elegant or effortless that you saw them in a new light. We might feel like “love” is too strong of a word for that kind of respect and gratitude, but I’m here to tell you that we should get comfortable broadening our definition of the word. Love for our coworkers, love for our patients, love for our community. Its demonstration is not just in painful sacrifice or going the extra mile. Even the more mundane, day-to-day work when we are just doing what we trained for, what we care about, this is love too. What else is medicine if not an expression of love for humanity?

I would be remiss if I didn’t remind all to also practice love for one other group: ourselves. To me, self-love is a mixture of giving myself grace when I fall short or on tough days when the world just is too much. Self-love is also loving myself enough to be on a growth journey – pushing me to reflect, grow, learn and try to improve as a human, as a leader, as a spouse parent and friend. All forms of self-love are essential to make our life journey the most meaningful it can be.

Photo for reflection
I have been making my kids do these poses for years and am grateful that they grudgingly comply. Opening yourself up to love—to feeling it, accepting it, and showing its impact can only make you stronger, larger. I know there are counter-narratives out there about empathy being a form of weakness. But I have never once felt diminished or exploited because of love. Saying it and showing it is as much for my benefit as it is for who I’m giving it to. Sincerity and sentiment may not be as “cool” as cynicism or “toughness,” but I think we all need more love in our worlds today. I think that showing love is the greatest demonstration of strength.

Upi’s “Oh, WOW” moment
Sustained commitment to a principle over the duration of one’s career is undeniable as an expression of love. In considering the devotion to medical education that Dr. Mark Wilson showed for decades you would be hard-pressed to call that work as born of anything but love. In the remarks that Dr. Justin Smock, Dr. Jeydith Gutierrez, and others gave at last week’s event in honor of Dr. Wilson’s retirement, they detailed a career path, a list of achievements, and personal impact worthy of celebration. Later Dr. Wilson said he had done it all without a map. And that may be true of all trailblazers, but it is clear he had a compass. My compass is mentorship. This is such a Golden Rule gift, paying forward the generosity we received when we were trainees or just starting out ourselves. There have been a number of recent stories about early career awards recognizing achievement and postdoc awards, and even a continuation of an eight-year run of our trainees being recognized on banners hung around downtown Iowa City. How cool is that! I love it.

Enjoy the weekend. Take a moment to love those around you, love yourself, love your life.